I need to tell you about the tingles that have changed my life.

I first remember feeling the tingles in high school. I was watching someone review a flavor of Ben & Jerry’s on YouTube. I realized it wasn’t the review that I liked, it was the sounds he made while eating. An unintentional lip smack sends a euphoric chill up my spine.

Who were these electric faeries swarming through my body?

I feel a thick zap flood my body, engorging it with pure bliss. Euphoria. They start crawling up my back, working their way up the nape of my neck. They start massaging their fingers into my scalp. While this seems embarrassing now, imagine explaining this to your friends! “Hey guys, so I like hearing people eat through a microphone!” They definitely won't think you’re weird. Not at all.

I had no idea what universe I was about to step into. The sweet, sensual, and deeply misunderstood world of ASMR.

ASMR is the only thing that forces me to relax. I never liked body massages, too intimate. I hate strangers touching me. But I love scalp massages. Now I know why. The tingles. If you are an ASMR virgin, start with the soap-cutting ones. Those are good introductory videos, lubing you up for the big leagues, the freakiest of the freaky, the chewing ones.

Are you looking for more of a spa experience? Or the sounds of a makeup beat? ASMR welcomes you in with open arms. There is an entire world out there, ready to offer you tingles at this very moment. Are you ready to let your freak flag fly?

The thing is, I’m a real sicko. I could imagine the type of ASMR I am into is comparable to hardcore porn in the ASMR world. Pretty much the food version of “school- girl gets bukaki’d by seven throbbing cocks in childhood bedroom.”

I love the smacking. I love the slurping. I love the sloppy. I love the sucking. I love the crispy. I love the crunchy. Sultry. Soothing. Each texture in high definition, lulling me to sleep.

My favorite is anything by ASMR the Chew, a YouTube commodity with a mission to help people with anxiety and depression. We also call her Spirit Girl. Her mission is to provide every person with healing, not just the ones who could afford it. She has a deep understanding of people, and what they need. To say she has helped me is an understatement. She is a consistent joy in my life. I couldn’t fall asleep without her. She is the paradigm of relaxation.

The usual night routine is as follows: brush my teeth, take a bath, usually together, pack a bowl, take a hit, then YouTube. ASMR the Chew.

I set the room up to my liking. Dark. Quiet. She starts the video with a series of sounds involving things like tapping and pennies dropping. Each sound with a story of its own. She preps her mouth, slowly pressing her tongue on the roof and sucking.

She introduces her snack of choice. Tonight, its Chocolate Cherry Cheesecake ice cream by Talenti. I watch her plunge her spoon slowly into the ice cream, scooping up little nuggets of gold. She then pulls the ice cream off her spoon slowly, the roof of her mouth sliding the sweet nectar into her tastebuds.

I can hear the saliva being sucked through each crevice of the spoon. She uses plastic spoons because it echoes better. I hear every detail. Clean. Crisp. Yes. She sends me into a trance. I can feel my anxiety start to fade away. She spoons another bite into her mouth. I love it. I love it because I know what it tastes like. I walk over to the freezer and grab my pint. I keep that thang on me. I like to set up what I am eating at the moment to match hers. I enjoy my food more this way. Whispers and tingles run from my spine to my scalp, hugging me. Loving me.

The tingles start crawling up my spine and hit my shoulders this time, trailing off towards my forearms. Tiny zaps danced along my occipital bone.

ASMR has a beautiful way of making every sound come to life, embracing the power of texture and what it sounds like in a microphone.

She scoops another bite into her mouth. Silky. Luxurious. She figures out what bite she wants next. I know she wants a bite that has all the goodies in it. This ice cream has layers that would send Shrek into a trance. Thick, rich cherry sauce, morsels of dark chocolate. Savory cheesecake, buttery shortbread. All holding each other in unison. She wants the shortcake pieces. She wants the richness of the chocolate. I know she wants that bite because I want that bite. She sinks her spoon into the ice cream once again, scooping up layers of goodness.

The tingles start filling my ears with sweet, sultry sounds. Oh yes, daddy, harder, harder!

The thing about ASMR is that it’s not, not sexual. We recognize what pleasure feels like. We recognize what an orgasm feels like. I am yet to pinpoint exactly how ASMR makes me feel. All I know, is that it feels good. Real good.

Some people do not feel euphoria in fact they feel quite the opposite.

Studies show that only 30% of the population really feels the effects of ASMR. And for those of us who are highly sensitive, from our emotions to our senses, we feel it even more. I guess being told I’m too sensitive growing up really paid off.

I love the feeling ASMR comes with. I love the zaps. I love the sparkles. I love the pins and needles. For some people, it’s the cotton swabs being shoved in their ear that gives them the warm and fuzzies. Not me. The very thought makes me want to get extra friendly with a noose.

She whispers into the microphone, warning us, “Don’t watch if you want something sweet.” She’s right. Do not watch if you want something sweet, because if you didn’t before, you will now.

I hear the whispers in surround sound. The buttery texture of the cheesecake ice cream, the rich morsels melting in her mouth.

At one point she finds herself eating really fast and says, “I’m sorry I’m just really enjoying my food right now.” Don’t be sorry Spirit Girl, you bring star bursts of sparkles into my life.

I hear each of the textures swirling around in her mouth. I love this sound. I love hearing them embrace one another, along with some smacking, and a big ol’ helping of spit. I love it.

I know she is enjoying this so much right now. My tingles go crazy when she is eating like she means business. I don’t know what it is, but the way she eats when she is hungry is my favorite. Ravenous. Animal-like. She crunches a big piece of shortbread. I hear it as I see it, and I see it as I hear it. I can taste the shortbread in my mouth.

The way she looks at you, she smiles with her eyes. Her affectionate, warm spirit nourishes me and reminds me everything will be okay. Her whispers cause the cruel voices in my head to dissipate, replacing them with comfort and warmth. A power my weighted blanket doesn’t hold a candle to. I love watching her experience pleasure when she tastes something she likes. I don’t know why, but it makes me happy.

She puts another bite into her mouth. This bite has all the layers laid out on the spoon. The flavors bursting together like fireworks. Her tastebuds are vibrating. I hear her tongue tasting each morsel. The magic, the decadence, the layers. The silky. The sweet. I can almost taste it in my mouth, enjoying this confection to perfection.

She does this thing when she is really enjoying something; she clenches her fists together, closes her eyes, and smiles. I know she is enjoying it. Even if my life is feeling a little lackluster, I can always count on Spirit Girl to lend me some tingles.

She reaches the end of her pint, grabbing each chocolate morsel soaked in rich cherry, held together by the cheesecake base. Another burst of sparkles shoots up my spine. The tingle faeries are back.

Relax, if we are out to dinner together, I am not listening to you eat. It’s actually kind of gross to me. Like when I watch the judges on Chopped intricately pick apart their food, just to waste half of it. It grosses me out. I know they are not enjoying it the way Spirit girl does. She treats everything she eats with a sense of gratitude. Deja-vu.

ASMR has allowed me to enjoy spicy foods. After all, a little pain is pleasurable. I remember one of her videos she drenched her burrito with hot sauce and says to it, “light me up, I like it!” She was actually excited about what she was about to endure. This then gave me permission to enjoy something that was slightly painful. A challenge I would soon conquer. Now, I see eating spicy food as an experience. I prep my mouth for what is to come, and bear down.

Before you go yucking my yum, let me make something clear.

If you are someone who reads this and thinks, “absolutely not, nope.” Be careful. You just may be cockblocking yourself out of some serious pleasure.

Share your ASMR experiences in the comments below!

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